


don't carry it all

by cheinsaw



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Alcohol, Dreams and Nightmares, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-08-19 04:17:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20203594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheinsaw/pseuds/cheinsaw
Summary: A small collection of short Okita/Nobunaga pieces.alternate title: oknbs my friend told me to write.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Xairathan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xairathan/gifts).

Nobunaga dreams of her death. It's common enough among Servants; moreso the ones whose passing was not quick or easy. Mostly, her nights are punctuated by scenes from her life: Nobunaga dreams of her brother, of Owari, of her victory at Okehazama. These are pleasant, if not slightly jarring upon waking. She dreams of her retainers, wishing she could see them one more time. She dreams of the battlefield, of matchlock guns and strategy.

And she dreams of betrayal, of suicide, and she bleeds as Honnouji burns around her, all too real. Sometimes, she rises from the ashes, angry and vengeful and out for Mitsuhide's blood. Tonight is not one of those nights - there is fire, then only cool darkness.

It takes her a moment. It's 1582, it's 1945, it's 2019 and Oda Nobunaga is breathing. The soft murmur of a heartbeat against her ear - ah. Okita.

Nobunaga pulls her head away from Okita's chest for a moment. Just the sight of Okita always tends to steady her. (Nobunaga finds herself comforted by familiar flashes of blue and white, even in her darkest hours.) Okita hasn't woken; she's resting on her back, her head tilted slightly to the left on a pillow that's too big for her.

Nobunaga's heart stutters and swells with love. Even unconscious, Okita's presence is enough of a distraction that Nobunaga quickly puts the flames and blood out of her mind. Okita is familiar, and safe, and warm, and real.

It can't be helped, Nobunaga thinks, and lets herself drift off with her face pressed into Okita's neck. (This time, her sleep is peaceful.)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> totally not canon compliant but what if servants kept all the scars from their lifetime and not just from their height of power? hahahaha... aha..ha..
> 
> !! DISCUSSION OF SUICIDE AND A PAST SUICIDE ATTEMPT !!

Nobunaga's body is marked all over, raised white lines and discolored patches. "Those are burns!" she says proudly, when she catches Okita staring the first time. Here, her whole history, written on her skin. "Oh, this one's from Gifu. Mmm, mmm, and this was Nagashima."

She seems so calm about it, Okita thinks. Then again—those were battles Nobunaga won. 

There is one that's different, though, and Okita can't wrap her head around it. The first time she sees Nobunaga completely undressed, she finds her eyes lingering uncomfortably at Nobunaga's belly - at the deep horizontal scar that rests there. Each time, she consciously looks away, but it never leaves her peripherals.

"Come on, Souji, it's not a big deal," Nobunaga says.

(It is. Okita refuses to let Nobunaga see, but she has one too. Nearly identical; the only difference is that Okita never cut deep enough to kill. Shameful, still, and painful.)

"It's just, you know, you don't hide them..." Okita says instead.

"Huh? What's the point? Everybody knows how I died anyway. It's part of what makes me so freakin' cool!"

This much is true. During Okita's lifetime, she had been familiar with the tale of Oda Nobunaga: the near unification of Japan, then the betrayal. She'd just never expected that the real-life Nobunaga would someday be sitting in her lap, laughing about her own death.

Nobunaga sees it on a Wednesday afternoon. Their room is too warm, as it always is. Warmer still is Nobunaga's mouth, trailing over Okita's neck. Okita is very, very aware of Nobunaga's hands, moving to untie her obi. She'll let Nobunaga, she decides, but only to open her kimono to the chest. Any lower than her ribcage, and she'll have to talk to Nobunaga before they go any further—

But Nobunaga moves too fast, and it's too late.

"Souji?" Nobunaga asks, her voice going soft. "Hey, this is..."

"Don't look at it," Okita pleads. She can't look at Nobunaga. She'd rather be anywhere else—hell, she'd rather explain this to Hijikata right now than Nobunaga.

"I thought you—"

"I said don't look at it!"

"Too late," Nobunaga says. "Man, I thought I was the only one here with one of those."

"...It didn't work."

"Huh?"

Okita can feel her throat closing up, choking on tears. "I wanted to die on the battlefield. I couldn't even - do that."

Nobunaga doesn't reply, and Okita squeezes her eyes shut and lets herself cry. She's already disgraced herself so much; what more damage is a few tears? She tilts her head away from Nobunaga, though her body is still pinned where Nobunaga's straddling her at the waist.

Then, Nobunaga does something that Okita can't understand: she leans down and lifts Okita up. Her hands slide between Okita's back and the futon, and the next thing Okita knows she's being held. Nobunaga's arms may be small, but they're secure, and they hold her tight.

"Souji," she says. "Souji."

Okita has never seen Nobunaga at a loss for words. She didn't think that could even happen; Nobunaga always seems to have some witty retort or sharp commentary at the ready. Not now. Nobunaga simply holds her.

Maybe, right now, that's all they both need.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all i could picture while writing this is nobu trying to talk to shuten and ibaraki, and shuten just gives her the world's strongest heian-era sake because she thinks it will be funny to see what happens
> 
> thank you lette for your assistance 🤝

It's not often that Okita lets herself relax. There is always  _ something _ to be done, even if she isn't accompanying her Master or Hijikata. She can polish her sword, or practice her technique, or a hundred other things. Or, she could give in to Nobunaga's various whims, uncertain of what could happen. This is not what she prefers, but Nobunaga is a force of nature, and Okita all too often finds herself pulled along.

"Souji!" Nobunaga's voice rings out, distracting Okita from the book she'd been reading. There she is, all five feet of her standing proud in the doorway, a small jug cupped in her arms. "I got us something!"

"Should I be worried?"

"Heh heh heh," Nobunaga chuckles instead of replying. "Look at this! Pure oni sake! You just don't get this kind of quality anymore."

Okita squints and puts her book down entirely. She says nothing, watching Nobunaga move. The sake cups come out of the cupboard; Nobunaga fills one with careful precision.

"That's strong," Nobunaga says, wrinkling her nose slightly at the sickly-sweet smell that permeates the room when she opens the jug.

"Mmm, I can smell it over here. Are you sure that's okay to drink?"

"Positive! What's the worst that could happen?" Nobunaga grins at Okita and gestures to the pair of cups—one full, one empty. "Come on!"

Okita can think of several unfavorable outcomes, but she knows Nobunaga wouldn't hurt her. Not now, at least. They are past that; now, they are partners instead of rivals. Nobunaga stares her down, a smile in her eyes, as if daring Okita to accept.

Okita may be able to say no to Nobunaga, but she cannot say no to tradition. Sighing, she takes her seat at the tea table and pours Nobunaga's drink. "There. Are you happy?"

"Yeah! This is gonna be sick as hell!" Nobunaga, despite her enthusiasm, takes only a small sip at first. "Now you."

Okita follows her, bringing her own cup to her lips. The wine is so sweet and cloying that it makes Okita feel dizzy before she even tastes it. On her tongue, it's no different. She wonders for a moment how Nobunaga even got a hold of something like this, then decides not knowing is better.

"Hahaha, I didn't think you'd actually do it," Nobunaga says.

"I can drink," Okita says, a bit defensively. "I've drank with you before."

"Yeah, but you never really loosen up, you know?"

Okita frowns. Nobunaga is right, yes, but there's a reason for that. Even if that reason is escaping her right now, as the alcohol begins to warm her blood far more quickly than any sake she's had before. "Nobu," she starts.

"I know, I know. But! You're doing it now. It's Okita-san's big victory!"

Okita swats at Nobunaga, but there's no bite behind it. Nobunaga just laughs loud, as she always does, and leans in to kiss Okita's face.

The sake turns out to be stronger than either of them expected. Okita would say that she told Nobunaga so, but she's too sleepy to form words. Nobunaga is already out anyway, snoring softly against Okita's collarbone.

It's not the worst thing that could've happened. On the contrary, it's kind of… nice. Okita can't find anything to regret about it, as much as she tries. Perhaps things will be different in the morning, but for now, Okita can rest with a smile on her face, and Nobunaga sleeping peacefully on her chest.


End file.
